Happy Birthday, Jiraiya!
by Desbelleschoses
Summary: It's Jiraiya's 23rd birthday, and the sannin have a bigger adventure than they had planned. One-sided Jiraiya/Tsunade. T.


Tendrils of smoke hung lazily in the air, creating a haze around the dim, artificial lights suspended from the ceiling. The bar itself was large enough for a few scattered tables and a single line of stools, which sat flush against the L-shaped counter. At the far end sat three shinobi. They were well into their sake; several bottles sat empty in front of the white-haired man and blonde woman. Far fewer sat before the black-haired man, who seemed to be nursing his cup.

The bell above the door rang, but the trio paid no mind to their newest companions. The woman, who sat between the two men, knocked back her cup and sighed. The white-haired man laughed. "Take it easy, Tsunade." His actions contrasted his words when he poured more alcohol into her cup.

"You're being hypocritical, aren't you, Jiraiya?" The black-haired man's lips curled into a smirk as he looked at his companion.

"Come on, Orochimaru. It's my birthday. Let me do what I want."

"Twenty-three going on seven," Tsunade quipped, mocking his childish indignance.

"Hey, Bartender! One more on the tab!" Jiraiya held a finger in the air to emphasize his request.

"You know, just because it's your birthday doesn't mean I'll be paying your bill," Orochimaru warned, studying his teammate's face, which was already tinged red from the alcohol.

Jiraiya huffed in response. "You know, it wouldn't kill you to have a little fun."

"With the way you two drink, it's amazing that you haven't killed more than your wallets."

"Oh, get a room," Tsunade sneered, silencing her teammates, if only temporarily.

Jiraiya burst into a drunken fit of laughter, and Orochimaru gave an amused smile. On nights like these, anything could be forgiven if they were given a few seconds. For ten years, the three of them fought side-by-side for the sake of the village. Yet nothing bonded them together like a long night of drinking. By all rights, their sensei should have come with them, but he was tied up with his duties as Hokage.

Orochimaru poured the last drop of sake from his bottle into his cup, which he polished off in a single sip. "That's it for me," he declared, stepping down from his seat at the bar.

"What?!" Jiraiya demanded. "You can't bail on us like that. Where's your sense of adventure?"

"At home, in bed, as it should be. Unlike you two, I have to be in the lab tomorrow morning. I can't afford a hangover."

"Let him go, Jiraiya." Tsunade waved her hand dismissively. "If he makes a mistake in one of his research reports, we'll never hear the end of it."

"An error like that-" Orochimaru cut himself off, reminding himself that they were both too far gone to try to reason with them. "Remember, we're meeting with Hiruzen-sensei tomorrow afternoon to train. Try not to be too hungover, will you?"

"No promises," Jiraiya chortled as his teammate exited the bar.

The pair continued to place orders, and the bartender was more than willing to see their bill increase. The three, newly-dubbed sannin were always good for their tab once they sobered up; intoxicated, they seemed to forget that their drinks cost them money.

Jiraiya noticed that Tsunade was being watched by a man, about their age, on the other end of the bar. He narrowed his eyes, but the man seemed not to notice. Tsunade was clearly aware of the situation, but she paid him no mind.

"Just leave it be," she warned her partner. She didn't need him going on the defensive. He could be embarrassing enough without trying to start a fight with some creep who was leering at her.

He did as he was told, turning his attention back to Tsunade. She listened attentively as he relayed yet another story about his disciples. "I wish you could have seen Yahiko's face!" he exclaimed, almost in tears at the memory.

Tsunade laughed along with him. As much as she knew he missed them, she was happy to have him back in the village. It was selfish, but they were finally in an unsteady peace. The three of them could start to live their lives off the battlefield.

Her demeanor changed sharply when the man from the other side of the bar approached them, an inebriated smile on his face. He slipped around to Tsunade's side, taking the opening Orochimaru had left. "Hey, cutie," he crooned in a way that made the hair on Tsunade's neck stand on end. "What'd'ya say you come home with me tonight?"

Tsunade ignored the comment, turning her back to the man. Jiraiya glared at him over her head, warning him to back off.

He didn't seem to get the message. In a bold move, he snaked an arm around Tsunade's waist. "C'mon, babe, I'm talking to 'ya."

Jiraiya placed a hand on the bar with the intention of standing up in a threatening manner. Before he had the chance to move, Tsunade had twisted around on her stool, connecting his face with her fist. The man was knocked off his feet, and he was sent flying across the bar. His back slammed into a table, overturning it. The glasses on top crashed to the ground, shattering on impact. The man groaned and made a move to get up.

Tsunade was on him in an instant, beating him within an inch of his life and shouting a colorful array of profanity. As much as he wanted to let Tsunade kill the man, Jiraiya did the ethical thing and stepped in. He wrapped his arms around Tsunade's waist and pulled her off of the man, lifting her into the air. She kicked her legs in resistance.

"Put me down!" she shrieked, almost bloodthirsty.

"Calm the fuck down!" Jiraiya growled, trying to carry her far enough away that she couldn't go back on the offensive.

"You did _not_ just tell me to calm down!"

Two dark-haired men left their table and approached the scene, advancing warily. "What's the problem here?" one of them asked authoritatively.

"Fuck you!" Tsunade hissed.

* * *

It was simply bad luck that one of the groups of patrons were off-duty officers of the Konoha Police Force.

Citing assault and property damage, Tsunade was restrained and handcuffed. Jiraiya tried to argue, and, although he didn't regret doing so, he found himself in the same situation.

It was an understatement to say that things had gotten out of hand.

Jiraiya rubbed his temples with the thumb and middle finger of his right hand, trying to ward off the headache he felt creeping up from the base of his skull. The chains of his handcuffs clinked together as he lowered his arms, placing his hands on his knees. He tilted his head back against the cold, stone wall. The metal bench was uncomfortable, and he shifted, spreading his legs further apart in an attempt to alleviate his situation.

Outside the cell, the clock above the Uchiha insignia on the wall read 04:00.

Tsunade slammed her open palms against the metal bars with enough force to rattle them. "Hey! I'm talking to you!" When the black-haired man at the desk refused to acknowledge her, she snarled "What the hell's your problem?!"

"Tsunade," Jiraiya hissed, "sit down."

"No! I want my fucking phonecall!"

"You already made it. Now sit your ass down. You're just gonna make it worse."

Tsunade wheeled around and glared at him with murder in her eyes. Her cheeks were ruddy, the effects of alcohol still heavy in her system. Jiraiya faltered, but, to his credit, he maintained his ground. It was a pleasant surprise when she did as she was told, throwing herself down beside him like an angry child.

It was clear that they were being held until they were sober enough to answer questions. They had been locked up for hours, and after their initial processing, they had been completely ignored by the skeleton staff of the night shift.

It was a good move on the part of the Uchiha to separate Jiraiya and Tsunade from the rest of the people in holding. Jiraiya was the only one who stood a chance if Tsunade decided to take her frustration out on him. She would easily break a normal person.

"Son of a bitch deserved it," Tsunade grumbled.

"Yeah, he did," Jiraiya had to agree. "But they're not gonna take a statement from you until you sober up."

"Why'd you have to get in the way?"

"We'd be a lot worse off if you killed the guy, you know."

"Tch." Tsunade obviously didn't agree.

The pair sat in silence, uncomfortable and inebriated. There was nothing for them to do other than wait. Hiruzen-sensei had told Jiraiya, point-blank, that they could sit out the night in the holding cell; it was a complete waste of Jiraiya's phone call. Stupid old man.

Unsurprisingly, Tsunade had slumped against his side, asleep. After drinking, she had the uncanny ability to sleep even in the most uncomfortable places. In a way, he envied her. He shifted his arm out of the way and allowed her head to rest on his chest, and his arm wrapped around her shoulders. To his amusement, she snored loudly. The clock read 04:40.

Selfishly, he allowed himself to enjoy the moment. When she was drunk, she let down her defenses, if only by a bit. She would never fall asleep on him if she was sober. Over the years, she'd made it painfully clear that she had no interest in him. Jiraiya could readily admit that, as genin, he was far from normal. He had been hyperactive and loud-mouthed. As chunin, his demeanor improved, but she refused to acknowledge him.

Once they were jonin, Tsunade met Dan. Jiraiya humbly took the back seat, realizing that she was happier with Dan than she could be with him. It stung, but he did his best to accept the situation.

When Dan died, Tsunade closed herself off. It took a long while for her to pull herself out of her depression. When she did, she had changed, even more so than after her brother's death. No matter what he did, Jiraiya couldn't reach her.

She preferred to keep him at arm's length after that day, and he complied. These rare moments, when she was relaxed, were the only way he knew that she didn't despise him. He wanted nothing more than to help her heal, to make her happy, but he didn't have the power. No matter how much he loved her, she didn't love him back. After losing Dan, he doubted that she ever would.

So, he took what he could get. Her gestures of friendship, her companionship, and her presence were a constant. He was fairly certain that she knew he loved her. He'd be surprised if she didn't, at this point. She loved him too, in a strictly platonic fashion. Somehow, that was enough.

He gently brushed her blonde hair back from her face, but she was in such a deep sleep that she didn't react. Perhaps she had the right idea. They'd been awake for almost twenty-four hours. A little sleep couldn't hurt. He let his head rest against the wall, and he closed his eyes.

* * *

The sound of metal scraping across the floor woke him. His body tried to cling to sleep, but his mind spurred him awake. He opened his eyes and saw the door to the cell open, much to his relief. He shook Tsunade gently, then roughly when she didn't move. She sat up slowly, mumbling incoherently.

Orochimaru stood outside the cell, looking at Jiraiya with disdain. His pale skin made the dark circles underneath his eyes more apparent. His arms were crossed over his chest, and his black hair was in a state of disarray that Jiraiya had never seen. His teammate was clad in a purple yukata, making it clear that he'd just gotten out of bed.

"Orochimaru!" Jiraiya beamed. He lifted Tsunade onto his back, carrying her through the door. "Man, you're a lifesaver."

"Hm." His teammate looked at him with cold eyes. "You can thank Hiruzen-sensei. I was so rudely awoken with the order to come get you." His frown deepened, which didn't seem possible. "When I left last night, it was to avoid something like this."

"Trust me, we didn't plan to get arrested."

"You never do." Orochimaru was unamused, but Jiraiya laughed all the same.

The trio left the police station, and Tsunade groaned when they stepped into the sun. Feeling her hangover, she tilted her head so she could press her face into Jiraiya's shoulder to block out the light. Jiraiya wasn't feeling well himself, but he was a lot better off than his drinking buddy.

"Are you taking her home?" Orochimaru looked at his teammate.

"Yeah, don't worry about it. You bailed us out; I'll take care of the rest."

"I'll tell sensei we'll need to reschedule our training."

Jiraiya groaned. "Shit, I forgot about that."

"I'll take the fall. Consider it your birthday present."

"Cheapskate."

Orochimaru looked challengingly at Jiraiya, whose face made it clear that he was joking. His scathing retort died on his tongue, and he chuckled. "If you don't like it, stop getting yourself into trouble."

"Yeah, yeah." Jiraiya raised a hand in farewell as he turned down a side street, parting ways with the other ninja. It may not have gone as planned, but he spent his birthday in the company of the two most important people in his life. To him, it was worth it.


End file.
